Unfolding

Stepped into it again with my extended family.  True -- if you think you are spiritually enlightened spend some time with your family of origin.  

My clear intentions were so easily hijacked and I become part of the drama.  Stepping away from the storm and taking time to feel all my crazy emotions.  Attempting to see a bigger picture and my part in creating and sustaining the insanity.  Giving some space to be with -- what should I do or not do next.  

This morning a gift appeared in my e-mail;  words in the weekly newsletter from coach Alan Seal: 

To "see" takes time.  Life moves fast, and we move fast thorough it.  Therefore, we tend to notice only the surface layer of our surroundings.  We see chairs, tables, trees, people, sidewalks, and benches.  Yet if we look more closely, there are patterns, textures, and edges.  And if we engage our intuitive awareness, beyond the patterns and textures, we can sense energies.  

The same is true in our life situations and circumstances.  If we take time to be present with our circumstances - to "see" and feel and sense them - they, too, will reveal themselves to us.  There is a lot of information and guidance hidden within the layers of our lives and experiences.  If we pay attention, everything we need to know will start to reveal itself.  We will understand more fully the essence or core of what is going on:  we will sense what wants to happen in the big picture; and intuitively, we  will be shown our next steps.  We have been conditioned to analyze and fix.  We assume that the only way through our situation is to figure it out and make something happen.  Yet what if there was another way?What if the situation itself could show us everything we need to know?  

Inviting in:

• Letting go of needing to do something to try and fix things.
• Trusting the situation will unfold and I will be shown what to do or not do next  
• Looking for the energy (love) under all the muck.  
• Remembering to take deep breaths, smile and just be. 

Being A Bad Sport

This morning I was with a wonderful women, Laurie, who was very upset about putting her all into a project that did not win the competition.

We live in a society where coming in 2nd may sent a message of not good enough.  How many viewer are disappointed after an Olympic event when their countries flag is flying over the bronze metal recipient.  "We're Number One" is chant many of us remember from youth.  Any vivid memories of the elation of victory or the crash when our team loses?

It hurts to not be chosen, especially when we have given best effort.  Hearing the words "losing builds character" or "this is God's will" or "don't be a bad sport" do not bring much comfort when we are tasting the salty tears traveling down our cheeks.  Losing hurts if we are 7 or 70.

I had the honor this morning of holding a space for grief.  Letting go of the expectation or dream was compounded with strong emotions of conscious and unconscious past loses.  Big girls (and boys) do cry.  It is good to cry.   Giving the feelings permission to be, invites in release, insights and healing.

This wonderful wise women shared this morning "when my emotions are strong I can not think clearly".  After a few minutes Laurie was able to list the gifts of creating and birthing this 2nd place project...

• Enjoyed creating
• Creating increases creativity
• Others had enjoyed supporting creating the project
• Sharing it with others brought joy

When asked "are you complete on this?"  She went inside, tears again filled her eyes and she said "I am being a bad sport".  Who said it is bad to feel sad when we don't get what we want or feel we deserve?  Why would anyone who loves us want to layer guilt and regret on top of the sadness, anger and frustration we are being present with?  Laurie was wise and powerful in hearing and feeling the impact of this old message.  

It was easy to acknowledge Laure for her effort, clarity and wisdom in this situation.   I asked my friend to take on 2 requests:

1. Spend some time being with this loss in a space of curiosity (noticing) and compassion (non judgement).  To think about, feel or journal and see what comes up.  
2. Find ways to celebrate the effort put into creating and sharing the project.  

It takes courage to be present with strong emotions.  Our own emotions and strong emotions of others.  There can be gifts in giving permission to be a bad sport -- as long a we do not hurt our self or others.  

Three Adjectives

Preparing for my Letting Go of Cutter Workshop involved reading a lot of advice from many experts. Most professional organizers spout the basic principals:  let go - before organizing and only keep what you love, need and use.  The philosophy given my Marie Kondo in her Magic of Tidying Up best selling book is --find the treasures and let go of the rest.  A huge shift in deciding what to keep versus what to let go of.

Link to amazon description of the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Can not remember what expert shared the tip for letting go of clothing:

• Choose 3 adjectives to describe the clothing that you want to wear.  
• Ask of  each piece of clothing - does this fit what I want? 

I want clothing that is comfortable, classic and fun.   When trying on each item of clothing in my closet and dresser I asked:

• Is this comfortable? Is this classic?  Is this fun?
• Easy to tell what was comfortable on and putting on.
• Some items were classic or fun, but not both.  

A little different twist to support letting go.  Four bags stuffed with good clothing are ready to be release with ease.   My closet and dresser still have more than I need. Spent a few minutes placing each hanger backwards on the rod, to make it easy to see what I am wearing (or not).

• Remembering to ask before buying clothing if it fits my 3 adjectives.  

What 3 adjectives would you like all your clothing to fit?

Letting Go  Releases Energy to Create a Life You Love. 

Dear You

Just noticed a large metal silver image with the words Dear You hanging on the wall of the Tucson Jewish Community Center.

Wondering:  Why would someone make this?  Why would someone buy this?  What do the words Dear You mean?

Meanings of dear range from: nobel, affection, expensive and heartfelt.
Merium Webster has rhymes.

What do you hold dear

What brings you cheer

Makes things clear

Releases fear

Brings you here (and now)

What do you hold dear?

Who do you hold dear?

Who holds you dear?

There is a sweetness in sending and receiving dear.

Meditation & MIndfulness

Walking the dogs this morning I became very aware of how present and connected to the environment they were.  In all their excitement of moving, smelling and listening  in nature they would take time to pause and stare in a direction.

Being present and pausing - powerful mindfulness practices.

NPR's Science Friday included an interview, last week, about a fun blog (information is beautiful) that shares charts created to understand all kinds of complicated subjects.

The link below is to a poster on Mediation & Mindfulness.

what is meditation /mindfulness good for?

Secret O' Life

"Secret O' Life" played on my Pandora station this morning. The words blew me away... simple, pure & deep. Sent me on an internet quest....

From Wikipedia:
"Secret O' Life" is a song written by James Taylor that first appeared on his 1977 album JT....has been covered by many other artists, including Art Garfunkel, Richie Havens, Nancy LaMott, Rosemary Clooney and Shirley Horn.


My favorite versions on U Tube:

James Taylor with lyrics

Nancy Lamott

Richie Havens

India Arie

Secrets: Questions & Thoughts

Keeping information hidden from others is the definition of a secret.



Why do we keep secrets?

• Shame
• Guilt
• Embarrassment
• Power
• Protection

Why do we keep the secrets of others?
Love or Fear

Why do we tell secrets?

Revenge or Enlightenment

We keep secrets in the dark, hidden and covered up. 

Secrets clutter our lives. Keep us stuck.

Shedding a secret can take many forms:

• Journaling
• Creating a song, collage or story
• Writing a letter (shared or not)
• Counseling
• Sharing with a friend
• Sharing with many

Is the intent of shedding a secret to heal or hurt?

Shinning light on a secret allows us to see it in a new perspective.

Remembering there is more than one right way.

Inviting trust & patience in the process of releasing secrets.

Back Pain

National Public Radio aired an interesting story this morning on back pain.  You can listen to it at:

why indigenous cultures don't have back pain

Five Tips For Better Poster And Less Back Pain accompany the story on the NPR website.  Four of these tips happen when you follow the yoga cues....

• Lift your shoulder to your ears, roll them back and slide the shoulder blades down
• Lift through the crown of the head
• Tuck your chin slightly
• Take a deep breath and sigh it out  
• Do this 3 times

Take a minute to connect with your body and breath.

A simple step to support having a healthy back.

Expectations

Expectation according to Merriam Webster Dictionary

: belief that something will happen or is likely to happen
: a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be

Are expectations a good thing? 

"High expectations are the key to everything."

--Sam Walton

Are expectations a bad thing?

"When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

- Ryan Reynolds

We all have expectations:

for ourselves and others, 

from others and 

about life.  

Some expectations are conscious and many unconscious.  Conflicts happen because spoken or unspoken expectations are not met.  Feelings linger when expectations for ourselves, of others or life fall short.

Stephen Hawkings said:

"When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have." 

Do expectations support or sabotage? 

Letting go of expectations to answer this question and shifting to the question --

How are my expectations supporting or sabotaging my life?  

Courage and Comfort

Merriam Websters Dictionary defines courage as:
 mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Courage with a capital C brings images of battles with guns, doctors or lawyers.  Most of my battles ask for courage with a small c.  Beginning or persevering with the project I am resisting; balancing the checking account,  giving the dog a bath or  asking to have a conversation.  

Usually the resistance is more uncomfortable than the task.  Stopping to ask "Where is this resistance coming from?"  generates a little girl voice in my head saying "I just don't want to!".  The resistance of a young child not picking up toys, eating peas or saying "I'm sorry"  because an adult is telling them to. I like this child-like rebellion.  She reminds me to find my own way, to play and ask for what I want.  

Brene Brown shares in an interview with Oprah that "We can choose courage or comfort, but we can't have both.    

view one min interview video

But I want both!  

Merriam Websters Dictionary has 2 meaning for comfort:
:  to give strength and hope to :  cheer
:  to ease the grief or trouble of :  console

Can I have courage with hope and ease?  Taking little steps.  Finding ways to make tasks I am resisting fun.  Celebrate the efforts and completions.  Creating ways to move forward with joy.

RECOMMITMENT

What Does It Mean To Commit? 

To do something that is negative or harmful (commit a crime)

To make a promise to support resources for a purpose (commit ourselves to marriage or work)

3 Commitment Questions

1. When we fall  out of commitment have we committed a crime? 
2. When things change can continued commitment feel like punishment?  
3. With all the internal and external change in our world do forever commitments make sense? 

Last year I made a commitment to blog at least 2 times a month.  Did OK for about 6 months. Not sure what happened - no big negative life event to blame my falling out of my commitment.  I just stopped blogging.  

Have heard: 

Setting a goal in our mind increases our chance of reaching the goal by 10%

Writing a clear goal (what by when) increase the change of success to 30%

Sharing this goal with others increases the probability of accomplishment to 60%

So ...  I am recommitting to:

Blogging at least 2 times a month for the next 4 months.  

A seasonal summer commitment feels lighter, more doable.  This promise to blog supports my intention to share my wisdom, experience and gifts more with others.  

Inviting ease, joy and abundance in stepping forward, out and up.